Friday, March 23, 2007

Just listen to mommy!

(I posted this on the Single Mom's Group on CafeMom, but thought I would vent here too)

*sigh* This is one of those days that I don't want to be a mom, especially a stay at home one. I guess I had a rose-colored view of what it would be like to stay home 24/7 with my girls. I pictured us doing crafts even though I'm craft-challenged, going to play groups, visiting the zoo, children's museum and the like. Instead, I am stuck home with them most days because I have limited funds and frankly, there is not much to do in this small town (I lived in a metro area prior to my separation). Anyway, I digress. Last night, my 8 month old screamed and screamed for about 20 minutes for no apparent reason then nursed for about 10 seconds and passed out. This meant a late night, rushed dinner and no patience. Then today, my oldest decides to defy me at every turn and ask "Why?" to everything that I ask her to do. You can only put a kid in time out so many times before it stops working. Kids just know how to punch the buttons sometimes. I'm tired and cranky and yet, I can't run away, even for a few hours. I'm stuck...
That said, I give MAJOR kudos to the SAHMs who do this and have been doing it successfully for years. I admire you all and wonder how you stand it! True, some can afford to find and pay for outlets for their kids (preschool, tumbling and the like), so they get some time to themselves but still, I'm sure those times are few and far between. Even those who are not SAHMs, you're still the primary caregiver and disciplinarian. Doesn't that get old? I would hate to replay what I say to my oldest every day 'cause I'm sure it's a lot of "No", "Stop that!" and "Not now"s. I feel guilty but sometimes, I just want to snap! I want to be an ostrich and bury my head in the sand. Not to have to hear "MOMMA...!" 5,000 times a day would be lovely, not to have to attempt to decode a baby's cries, not to be pulled in a million directions at the same time. Right now, I would kill for a job, for a little escape. Then, at the same time, I know I will miss being home, that I will miss precious moments and milestones.

Anyway, thanks for letting me vent. Life would be so much simplier if kids would just do what we tell them, huh?


Judy said...

Girl, we all go through this.

Some nights, I go to bed, and as I lay there, waiting to fall asleep, I wonder, what will my kids remember about me? The "HEY!"s or the "DON'T HIT YOUR BROTHER!"s or the "STOP IT!"s?

I start off each day on a positive note - we have morning kisses and hugs, talk about dreams, and list what we're going to do for the day. That first morning time is my favorite time. We're all awake and no one has pushed or pinched someone else.

I try to remember that as the day wears on.

It is hard, though. So hard. you're doing a great job. Hang in there, hon!

Kendra Lynn said...

Hang in can make it.
Life is hard with babies...and when you are alone raising them, that's even harder. I will be praying for you.
Love them, hug them, and remember, this too shall pass.


Anonymous said...

Oh, Ms. Laura,
The Stay at Home Mom gig is a tough one. I did it for four years and was ever so thankful when I finally started working outside the home again. However, I think that that extra time I spent with the boys was invaluable. I wouldn't have traded that experience and the bond formed because of it for anything.

So, Laura, just remember in the midst of the ugliest of temper tantrums and the plethora of nerve-racking "Why's" - this too shall pass. You've taken on a great responsibility and you are doing a great job. Those girls adore their Mommy. Make sure to take care of her too.

Love ya lots!
Jeanne P.

Mary said...

I very well remember feeling as you do - funny how now so many yrs. later I remember it all a little differently. I remember having the same feelings that you expressed...but I also remember the following years when the house seemed SO quiet while they were in school. So then I busied myself with work etc. Then as years passed - how quickly those years passed in hindsight - but oh, yes while the little ones are very young - it seemed a long time coming that the kids would be more on their own - it does happen though - and those years do not come back except in mom's hearts and minds...stay tuned!

Anonymous said...

Hi, Laura!
I can totally relate to this post; this was me just a few months ago. You're a great mom; I'm praying that God will work out everything for you.

Take care!


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