(I posted this on the Single Mom's Group on CafeMom, but thought I would vent here too)
*sigh* This is one of those days that I don't want to be a mom, especially a stay at home one. I guess I had a rose-colored view of what it would be like to stay home 24/7 with my girls. I pictured us doing crafts even though I'm craft-challenged, going to play groups, visiting the zoo, children's museum and the like. Instead, I am stuck home with them most days because I have limited funds and frankly, there is not much to do in this small town (I lived in a metro area prior to my separation). Anyway, I digress. Last night, my 8 month old screamed and screamed for about 20 minutes for no apparent reason then nursed for about 10 seconds and passed out. This meant a late night, rushed dinner and no patience. Then today, my oldest decides to defy me at every turn and ask "Why?" to everything that I ask her to do. You can only put a kid in time out so many times before it stops working. Kids just know how to punch the buttons sometimes. I'm tired and cranky and yet, I can't run away, even for a few hours. I'm stuck...
That said, I give MAJOR kudos to the SAHMs who do this and have been doing it successfully for years. I admire you all and wonder how you stand it! True, some can afford to find and pay for outlets for their kids (preschool, tumbling and the like), so they get some time to themselves but still, I'm sure those times are few and far between. Even those who are not SAHMs, you're still the primary caregiver and disciplinarian. Doesn't that get old? I would hate to replay what I say to my oldest every day 'cause I'm sure it's a lot of "No", "Stop that!" and "Not now"s. I feel guilty but sometimes, I just want to snap! I want to be an ostrich and bury my head in the sand. Not to have to hear "MOMMA...!" 5,000 times a day would be lovely, not to have to attempt to decode a baby's cries, not to be pulled in a million directions at the same time. Right now, I would kill for a job, for a little escape. Then, at the same time, I know I will miss being home, that I will miss precious moments and milestones.
Anyway, thanks for letting me vent. Life would be so much simplier if kids would just do what we tell them, huh?