A Baby Guzzler

Yesterday was Cara's 2 month well baby check up. Lately, we have noticed that she was getting chubby and her belly always looked so full after feedings. Of course, weight gain is normal, so we blew it off. I mean, at most, we figured she'd weigh about 9lbs (an once a day for about a month...). Imagine my shock when we went into the doctor and Cara tipped the scale to...11 lbs, 1 oz! She's almost doubled her birth weight of 6 lbs, 6 oz, which supposedly doesn't happen until around 6 months. SO, it seems that Cara is a little bit ahead of the game. Still, she's only in the 50% for weight but 90% for height. When her pediatrician saw her, she commented on how healthy and glowing Cara looked and to continue whatever I was doing. She asked me how often Cara ate and for how long. I think, because of her weight, she expected me to say that she ate practically 24/7. Actually, I guess Cara is a power-eater because she only nurses for about 20 minutes most of the time. She must get down to business when she eats or something. Her pediatrician gave Cara the nickname of "Guzzler"...seems fitting, at least right now.

Here are her complete weigh-in stats:
Weight-11 lbs, 1 oz
Height-21 1/2 inches
Head circumference-16 1/4 inches

She also got three shots that day but took them like a champ. Only cried briefly until given her pacifier and some Tylenol and has been just fine since.

Her next appointment is in November, it will be fun to see how much she's grown. No doubt that Cara is as different as night & day from Caitlin. We were still concerned about Caitlin's weight rebounding from birth at her 2 month check up. So, it's nice to be on the other side of the equation now.

Photogenic Princess

Had to post this, it's just so cute!

Cara Fix, Part 3

Exercising some head control---


Step aside Mr. Ali!


Look how big (long) I am--Cara Louise @ two months!

Just call me Tinker Bell

These pictures are from a mother-oldest daughter visit to the Climbing Tree Children's Museum in Montrose. One rainy afternoon, I decided to have some quality time with Caitlin. What can I say, we both had a blast. They did an awesome job with this place. Inside, they have a huge treehouse and lots of little activity centers. It reminds me of the Denver Children's Museum on a smaller scale. Caitlin's favorite activity, by far, was the huge trunk of dress up clothes. In the hour or so that she was there, she as Sleeping Beauty and then, Tinkerbell complete with fairy wings. Anyway, I had to pull Caitlin out of there when it was time to go...thankfully, there weren't that many people to see her meltdown and give me the "bad mommy" stare!

Creative Explorations

As I mentioned in another post, I took Caitlin to storytime at the library here in town. This was the first time that she had been to an organized storytime and she loved it. The theme was "Things to do outside". The librarian read a couple of books about nature walks and the great outdoors and then the kids (about 6 total) went outside of the library to collect some leaves and twigs to make a fall collage. It was supposed to be like a landscape. Here is what Caitlin & I (the artistically challenged one) came up with.


While it will never hang in the Met, we were proud of it.

My girls

Being a mommy has been my greatest joy as of late...the one thing that I can hold on to and give my all and watch them blossom. Caitlin continues to be such of a firecracker, always keeping me on my toes. She has great fun playing pretend and her favorite thing to pretend to be is a puppy. She even has a "bone" that we have to throw for her. Caitlin had her first experience with big girl library storytime last week, and had a blast listening to the stories and making an art project afterwards. She has also spent hours making play dough creations at Grandma's kitchen counter. My eldest daughter is so smart and creative!
Cara has changed so much, even in the past few weeks, it's amazing. I feel like I need to constantly have a video camera on in order to capture everything. Lately, she has been smiling all the time, especially when she first sees me after a nap or if I laugh. She has also become much more alert, staying awake a lot more and interacting with people and toys. She loves to "play" with the bug that hangs down from her carseat and has staring contests with the lion on the tray of her swing. She has also mastered the skill of holding her head up for minutes at a time. I just love being there to watch her accomplish these milestones though part of me wants to tell her to slow down! Caitlin grew up (and contines to) too fast and I'm afraid the same thing is happening to Cara. I am anxious to get her into the doctor for her 2 month appointment to see how much she has grown. She is a happy, chubby and hungry baby.

Life Coaching...

I just got out of my first counseling session with a life coach. I decided that it would be a good idea to have an impartial third party to talk to about this mess that I call my life. In the past month, I've lost my home, my career, my husband and one of my best friends--it has been a lot to digest. I find myself, sitting, and thinking, "Where do I go from here?" I know that I need to pick up the pieces and move on, I'm just not sure how to do that. Part of me feels so cheated. Here I was, prepared to spend quality time raising my two daughters and enjoying exploring the big city with them and now, my world has been turned upside down...all of my expectations have been tossed to the wind. Now, I am living with my parents (again) and may be forced to join the minimum wage workforce just to pay some of my bills. The idea of having to do unskilled labor just doesn't sit well with me when I think about how I worked my butt off for 4 years in college and then have several years of experience working in a library. It just seems so demeaning and I'm having a hard time getting past that. Plus, when I think about it, it hardly seems worth my while to go to work at some job that I'm really not going to like, put both of my children into the arms of strangers, make minimum wage and only have a few $$ left to pay off creditors. I suppose though, that having a little bit of money is better than not having any. I have faced the facts that my good credit rating is forever ruined. I just pray that my car (which I just finally paid off) holds out for another 7 years! It's scary for me not to have my credit to fall back on since that's how my family has survived for the last almost 6 years...need something? Laura will charge it. I am going to have to get used to living within my means without my safety neat--SCARY.
I am also dealing with the reality that I'm going to be a single parent and that my girls are well on their way to becoming a national statistic. I am so scaredthat I'm not going to be able to handle it or provide a good life for my girls. I know, I need a serious shot of "believe in thyself" but it's so hard for me to think positive right now. Since I am going to have sole physical custoy, I am going to be the sole person responsible for raising my girls to be positive members of society, a task that frightens me to no end. I'm not the best parent, I lose my cool a lot, getting very short and frustrated. I know this much, I'm going to try my darnest! I just want my girls to be happy and well adjusted, that's all that matters to me.
Thankfully, Caitlin hasn't been affected too much yet by what's going on. She does know that we're living with Grandma and Grandpa and that Daddy lives somewhere else but that's about all that she understands. Someday, I'm going to have to explain it to her. She adores her daddy and I think the feeling is mutual with him, so I will do what I can to preserve her relationship with him. Cara is so young and doesn't have a clue, for better or worse. Her daddy is really going to have to work hard to have a relationship with her.
Oh, the changes that our lives are going to be going through.
I have started the process of filing the divorce paperwork. It's 20 pages long! Ben & I are going to have to get together a few times to work out some things, but hopefully, by my 29th birthday, the divorce will be final and then, I'll be really free to move on. I need to figure out how to live my life on purpose and get through all of these transitions.

Okay, thanks for reading this rather somber post...I just felt that I needed to vent about everything that I have been feeling...