Blown Out of the Water

Okay everyone, are you prepared to be shocked? Take a deep breath...

On Sunday, my husband of almost 6 years asked me for a divorce! You're probably wondering what brought this on?! Honestly, I'm still not exactly sure. True, we had a fight but it was the first fight we had had in about 8 months. We have had some rocky times in our marriage, but this really wasn't anything out of the ordinary and I figured it was water under the bridge after it happened. After all, I got the impression that things were going quite well for us. We had moved back to the big city where my husband felt more at home, we appeared to be happy, he had a good job and we had just brought our second daughter into the world. Obviously, I must've seen our marriage through rose tinted glasses. So, you can imagine my shock when my husband announces his desire to end our marriage. The reality still hasn't hit me. Plus, I don't feel that I have the luxury of falling apart, I have two beautiful girls to raise. Anyway, my husband explained his reasoning--he stated that he had fallen out of love with me and that we had nothing in common. He simply wanted his freedom and felt that I was holding him back. After this spiel, he asked me to leave. Not being one who needs to be asked twice, I packed up some essentials for the girls and myself and began our journey west to the only other shelter I had--my parents' house. I am so lucky to have parents who will always love me unconditionally and help me out in times of need. My husband may see this as my weakness but, to me, it's a strength. You can't put a value on the love of a family. We spent Sunday night in a hotel where I spent a good couple of hours talking to a good friend of mine. You know who you are and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for being there for me. We got up Monday morning and continued the trek to Montrose and have been here ever since.

I am not entirely sure what the future hold for me or my girls. I just know that I need to establish some normalcy as soon as possible. Children thrive on routines and, unfortunately, Caitlin's routine has been greatly distrubed. I know that I need to start over and can't think of a better place to do it. I feel that I need to be close to my support system, so I can't imagine, at least not now, venturing far from Montrose. It hurts me to think about what I am leaving behind in Denver but I'm hoping to stay in touch with the friends I've made and get together when I'm in the area. I have also faced the music that I'm going to have to get a new job. My dream of staying at home where shot dead with the announcement of the big "D" word. I have put a feeler out with my old boss to see if it would be possible to get my old position back as a library technician at the correctional center in Delta. I am anxiously awaiting her response. Otherwise, I am not sure what I will do or where I will go. I would love to get my Masters of Library Science but, that would require relocating to Denver or Kansas. There are many unknowns at this point, I'm just trying to go with the flow as I pick up the pieces of my life.

I have also been doing some research into divorce proceedings and got my second shock in a short time when I found out how much it typically costs to get a divorce--$4000! Yikes! I am sincerely hoping that my husband and I can agree on the terms of
our divorse and just file the paperwork pro se. This will be quicker and save us a lot of money. People are surprised when I tell them how long it takes to get a divorse. There is a 90 day waiting period from the separation and then takes an additional 4-6 months (best case scenerio) to have it finalized. It is my hope to have everything wrapped up by my birthday next year. That is, if we can agree and go pro se. Otherwise, it will be awhile before I'll have thousands of dollars to throw away on a lawyer.

Am I scared? No doubt! I'm on my own for the first time in about 10 years and this time, I have two children to care for. Am I sad? Sure. However, I am starting to see that this could be a good thing if it allows for both of us to move on and lead productive live and be the best possible parents to our girls. I know that they are our only reasons for living, at least at the present time.

I just wanted to thank everyone who's been there for me during all of this. I don't know what I'd do without you! I love you all! Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers for awhile as this is not going to be an easy time in my life.